tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3537611114729755042023-07-17T22:12:39.672-07:00The Mommy MafiaLJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-19011977208991921072013-07-10T20:15:00.000-07:002013-07-10T20:15:45.227-07:00Nanny MomNanny Mom was so busy shopping for new light fittings for the new house, she left her tribe with Helga. Or was it Gunta? She fires those European nannies over the smallest thing. The last one was ordered to leave the house because she 'stole' a biscuit from the family cupboard and left wet towels on the bathroom floor for two days.
Nanny Mom needs to ask the nanny what the kids are ‘into’ these days; from food to games, toys and books. Many of these moms do not work. They need a nanny to help with the housework, take kids to and from school, make their lunches and baby-sit the toddler so mom can go to the gym. It’s almost a status symbol. Yet, it isn’t. Most Nanny Moms go out of their way to employ a plain, frumpy nanny so the husband doesn’t find her appealing. One Nanny Mom claims she put locks on the bathroom door when her husband kept ‘accidentally’ walking in on the nanny when she was in the shower.The offspring of Nanny Moms are usually very well behaved...for the nanny. But when the mother resumes duties, they tend to play up, leaving the mother to appreciate her nanny all the more. This often results in a pay rise that will last until Helga gets homesick for Berlin; or until she’s poached by another unscrupulous Nanny Mom. One Nanny Mom discovered a pair of black lacy underpants in the basket of her toddler’s stroller. Apparently the nanny took the toddler with her on visits to her boyfriend’s apartment where the child was put in front of a Doctor Who DVD whilst Nanny and her lover were busy in the bedroomLJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-1509387844968037522012-08-14T02:47:00.000-07:002012-08-14T02:47:21.694-07:00Wikipedia MomIn the school playground today, I witnessed Wikipedia Mom lecturing the mother of a dyslexic child about what she needs to do. First, she needs to read the book "the woman who changed her brain" about a woman's struggle with dyslexia that she managed to overcome and achieve her dreams. Of course, Wikipedia Mom is not speaking from experience. Who needs experience to be an expert in everything? She does not have a dyslexic child. But what she doesn't know about dyslexia isn't worth knowing. Beware: never get her involved in a conversation about whether women should breastfeed beyond the toddler years. Yes, Wikipedia Mom never breastfed her children (it just 'wasn't me', she said) but she knows everything about it. You will never need a dictionary when you befriend Wikipedia Mom. Ask her about everything, she will have the answer. LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-15001531178886209372012-08-12T18:04:00.000-07:002012-08-12T18:04:15.544-07:00All About Me MomAll About Me Mom insists on telling her stories, whether or not you want to hear it. If your kid just spent the day in ER after swallowing half a bottle of nail polish remover, her kid was in intensive care for a month after a brain haemorrhage. She is not interested in your story. She wants to tell her story. And don't interrupt her, okay? If you survived a 12 hour labour and an emergency c-section, that's nothing! All About Me Mom did all that plus more - did she tell you she also caught septicaemia post-birth and nearly died. But she didn't. She lived to see another day, and tell another story about herself.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-44768611921817401052012-08-12T18:01:00.001-07:002012-08-12T18:01:26.252-07:00Olympic MomIt's always a delight bumping into Olympic Mom. Yes, the lady who delights in telling me that her having kids 15 months apart is 'harder' than having twins. Back then I stopped myself from reminding her my twins were born TWO MINUTES apart because no matter what I say, she will one-up me. Motherhood is the biggest race of her life, nobody can beat her. She even told a mother of quadruplets that having 4 kids in 5 years is 'much much harder" than having four babies at once. The quads mom could only manage a weak comeback, "Um. it wasn't having 4 buns in the oven."LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-61200761566765937872012-08-12T17:00:00.001-07:002012-08-12T17:00:09.852-07:00Germ Phobic MomWe spent two hours in the park today and amazed to see how sparkling clean the playground equipment looked...and then we noticed Germ Phobic Mom with a bottle of disinfectant and a towel - giving the slide and swings a good rub down. I'll never forget visiting her in hospital when she'd given birth to baby number 3 and before she'd let me cuddle her newborn, she made me wash my hands with disinfectant, even though I told her I'd just washed my hands. "No. You probably used soap. Soap is not good enough," she said, pushing a bottle of Clean-aid in my hands. Interestingly, when her kids get sick, they seem to be sick for a long time. But when I suggest that maybe she needs to start exposing her kids to some 'good germs' so they build up immunity, she looks at me with horror. "There's no such thing as a good germ!"LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-92049181218846762342012-08-11T21:20:00.001-07:002012-08-11T21:20:45.034-07:00Scream from the Sidelines MomThe soccer gossip is in overdrive as the Scream from the Sidelines Mom was spotted with a single Dad from the kids school who happens to be the coach of the Under 11s. Buns of Steel Mom and Coffee Mum were discussing the scandal this morning, not bothering to whisper. In fact, they were speaking at such a high volume that Afraid of the Sun Mom and Botox Mom, who were nibbling their toasties at the next table, butted in and said, "Yes, yes, I've seen them holding hands in the carpark and looking at each other like they can't bear to say goodbye." We will stay tuned.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-63664988194137545532012-08-11T21:17:00.000-07:002012-08-11T21:17:02.036-07:00Cold Blaming MomThe Cold Blaming Mom was on the warpath today. See, three days ago she hosted mother's group at her place and now her little darling has a runny nose. Who gave her the cold? She is determined to track down the appalling excuse of a mother who dared to bring her kid to her home, knowing he/she had a cold, or was at least on the verge of a snotty nose. She phoned all four women, grilling them about the state of their child's health. "Does - or DID - Bianca have a cold when you came to my place last week?" All women denied bringing a cold-laden kid into Cold Blaming Mom's inner sanctuary. "No, of course not. She's perfectly healthy. And, if she wasn't, I wouldn't DREAM of bringing her over in case she spread her germs to your little darling." So, all the women denied being responsible but Cold Blaming Mom is not an idiot. She suspects the offending mother was Mary-Lou. Why? Because, when she was being interrogated, she said, "Besides, you could be standing in the supermarket queue and the person in front of you might be infected and all he has to do is sneeze and you've caught his lurgy. Maybe that's how your little darling caught her cold. It was not MY little darling." Yes, motherhood has reached a new low.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-68345520325522721012012-08-11T15:30:00.002-07:002012-08-11T15:30:56.577-07:00Social Network MomSocial Network Mom is at it again. She's miffed her little darling missed out on an invitation to the 'party of the year' - the 5th birthday party of Joshua T, whose mother is a small time actress on a local soap. So, feeling the rage, she took to facebook and twitter, posting updates about how heartbroken her little darling is that he did not receive the golden ticket. Truth be known, the kid had no idea invites were being handed out all around him, nor does he really care. It's all about the mommies. As of midnight last night, Social Network Mom was tweeting "what sort of woman deliberately excludes an austistic child from a birthday party? karma is a bitch." We can't wait to check her facebook page tomorrow.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-66302902496830626572012-08-09T00:41:00.002-07:002012-08-09T00:41:59.643-07:00Mean MomTracy B is the Mean Mom. She's always shouting at her kids. In fact, they're terrified of her. She won't let them have friends over to play because she's worried they will make a mess of her house. If her child uses a word that he has never heard of, like Chaos, she will refuse to tell them what it means. "That's what a dictionary is for," she yells. "I am not a dictionary!" She is also mean to other moms. Tracy B went to a mothers group where she spotted a mother of newborn twins, who was struggling to stop their crying. "Wow, you look really stressed out. What's your problem? I've got plenty of friends with twins and they say its easy peasy." She also likes to make women who had c-sections feel bad, "You didn't give birth, a doctor did it for you," she says. Most moms only ever invite Tracy B to their home once. If she's invited a second time it's only because the victim has thought of a good come-back to her nastiness, such as "If I didnt have a c-section, my child would not have been born alive." Here's the truth: nobody dislikes Mean Mom as much as Mean Mom.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-35958881017159214092012-03-13T18:18:00.000-07:002012-03-13T18:19:48.691-07:00home school momHome School Mom has one rule – school is an unnecessary evil and the only person who is equipped to teach your children properly is YOU! Not only does this mom teach her kids everything from geography to arithmetic, she has a problem letting go of her kids, even if they beg, ‘Please mum, let me go to school. I want to play with other kids!” Home School Mom loves to tell people that she is a teacher, even though she’s had no training. There’s no need to let her kids interact with other children. Home school kids can happily mingle with other kids at the supermarket and the park. Plus, once a week there is an arranged play date with other home school kids, so they can socialise with their own kind. Shouldn’t they socialise with kids who aren’t so secluded from society? No way! They might learn bad language or unnecessary life skills from kids that are shoved into the evil school system.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-2454845817143184132011-09-05T18:22:00.000-07:002011-09-05T18:28:56.140-07:00cotton wool momThe Cotton Wool Mom is worse than the Helicopter. Not only does she hover around her children she would wrap them in cotton wool - if she could. They are not allowed to cross the road without her - not even when the lollypop man is standing there as the quintessential road warrior/guardian. The kids cannot walk just two houses down the street to retrieve a missing football for fear of them falling, being abducted or swooped by a rogue magpie from surrounding gumtrees. No! They cannot watch any television beyond 6.30pm for fear of advertisements targetting adults. What if a tampon ad appears and the kids ask 'What the hell is that thing?" One Cotton Wool Mom friend of mine was horrified when I told her my children walk unsupervised for five minutes up the street to buy themselves a soft drink from the local store. Not only was she shocked about the unassisted stroll in the 'burbs, she lectured me about letting them have a soft drink (okay I know it's not health food but everything in moderation, right?)LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-41247510776151432452011-08-03T20:40:00.000-07:002011-08-03T20:44:17.508-07:00abduction momThe Abduction Mom is paranoid to the point of lunacy that her little darling will be kidnapped. She forces her child to wear a harness; not to safeguard against him running into the traffic, but in the event a stranger might suddenly snatch him from under her gaze. She also checks her child several times a night to make sure he has not been stolen in the night. Her paranoia is fed via her obsession with newspapers...she scans the papers for stories about kidnapping and while other mothers might cover their refrigerator door with photos of their children, Abduction mum sticks up clippings of kid snatchings as a reminder that her fears are some other mothers’ reality. But there is hope; some Abduction moms lighten up to the extent that they use harnesses disguised as teddy bears so that other kids don’t ask ‘Why is that kid on a dog lead?’LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-23250529109204191282011-06-29T16:56:00.000-07:002011-06-29T16:57:32.591-07:00Nanny MomThe Nanny Mom she is accompanied by a younger, usually more attractive, woman who is carrying the baby bag and pushing the stroller so her employer can walk hands-free. Nanny Mom leaves all the work to her nanny, yet still complains and then fires them like they’re a dime a dozen. When it’s ‘Special Friends Day’ at school, these women send the nanny. They have to ask the nanny what the kids are ‘into’ these days; from food to games, toys and books. Many of these mums do not work. They need a nanny to help with the housework, take kids to and from school, make their lunches, baby-sit the toddler so mum can go to the gym. It’s almost like a status symbol. Yet, it isn’t. Most Nanny mums go out of their way to employ an unattractive nanny. One Nanny Mom claims she put locks on the bathroom door when her husband kept ‘accidentally’ walking in on the nanny when she was in the shower. If Jude Law could cheat on Sienna Miller with his kids’ nanny then how can a non-movie star Mother compete?LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-16436560651739088922011-06-06T21:01:00.001-07:002011-06-06T21:01:56.858-07:00Agoraphobic MomAgoraphobic Mom lives in a cocoon of motherhood. She will not come to see you; you have to visit her. They are the Mommy Princess, in self-imposed exile from their former world. Their life revolves around the home. Most Agoraphobic Moms have fancy play equipment installed in their back yards, thus deeming a simple trip to the playground unnecessary. One Agoraphobic Mom put her three week old baby into her car for an outing to the supermarket. The baby screamed for the duration of the five minute drive and so she vowed never to put her in the car again. And two years later, she still hasn’t. Agoraphobic Mom is usually very successful in making other Moms feel that they must be doing something wrong by subjecting their kids to the dangers of the outside world. They object to public playgrounds because their child can catch germs from the play equipment. Other children might cough or sneeze and pass on a cold or flu. They don’t mind their children playing in the dirt in their own backyards, but they would never let their kids play in the dirt in public; they are true believers of the urban myth about neighbourhood cats peeing in the playground sand in the still of the night.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-63290547118766047742011-06-01T20:26:00.001-07:002011-06-01T20:34:57.997-07:00Afraid of the Sun MomIt was a slightly overcast day and I met my lovely friend Afraid of the Sun Mom somewhere between the park bench and the dangerous spider web climbing frame the My Child's Body Is A Temple Moms always avoid...the sun was barely peeping between the clouds when Afraid of the Sun Mom pounced on her four year old. "Baxter come HERE!" yelled with the same intensity of a woman trying to get her child away from a kiddie-fiddler (pedophile) Baxter reluctantly edged closer to his mom..this kid knew exactly what was coming. and within moments he was lathered with layer upon layer of the thickest gooiest suncream on the market - courtesy of the Cancer Council. "But, there's hardly any sun," I offered. "Does he really need that much protection? Especially as the kids are playing under cover?" Then came the lecture. Afraid of the Sun Mum (whose kids are NEVER outside without a hat...not even in the pouring rain. I mean, you never know when those clouds are going to clear and the evil sun will make a brief yet deadly appearance. So I had an ear full. She lectured me about skin cancer. Ok I know it's deadly. But surely there are benefits in your kids getting SOME sunshine. Every ten minutes this woman is wiping cream on her kids face. When I try to tell her that the cream is still there, its just soaked into the skin, she looks at me like I'm an idiot. "I want to be able to SEE the cream so I have peace of mind it is still protecting him." Then one of my kids accidentally splashed her Baxter with water. Omg, Afraid of the Sun Mom ran towards him with a towel, wiped his face, then reapplied all that sun cream. Why dont you buy the water proof stuff? I offered. When the clouds disappeared and the sun shone in full, that's when Afraid of the Sun Mom decided to go to the mall. "I'm outta here," she said, dragging her kid to the safety/shade of her 4-wheel drive. This woman is only ever happy when it's winter.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-9332906508052350632011-05-29T23:30:00.000-07:002011-05-29T23:35:43.994-07:00Extra-Curricular MomIt's Monday and I had a lovely catchup with my friend Extra-Curricular Mom. Dead Giveaway? Her kids have dark circles under their eyes due to exhaustion from multiple activities. Extra-Curricular Mom signs her kids up for everything; from baby gym, to swimming, to ballet, to paint classes. She feels the pressure of having to do everything for her children – often she is an only child, so Extra-Curricular Mom wants to give him/her the best of the best. Flamenco dancing, gymbaroo, swimming lessons, jitterbugs music classes, toddler fitness, karate; anything to fill up the time. “Sometimes kids just like to be at home!” cries Agoraphobic Mum. The offspring of Extra-Curricular Mom are always so exhausted by the time they get home they are near comatose, begging for bed. This woman keeps her kids so busy she can't remember the last time she actually sat down and had a conversation with them that wasn't about what time they had to be at which activity. Another thing: she has a rocky marriage and so she develops a crush on any man that happens to be in charge of her kids activities. In December she fell in love with Max the soccer coach. In January she fell in love with Gary the kids art teacher (they even kissed a couple of times following a clandestine meeting in the carpark where she lined up a get together to exchange some fancy arty farty brushes) by February she developed a MAJOR crush on Antony her son's violin teacher but, truth be known, she only fancied him because he looked a lot like Max the soccer coach who showed her Zero interest. Extra Curricular MOm is always looking for new activities to sign her kids up for..the only thing they havent done is sky diving but, never fear, when they are of an appropriate age, this mom will have them top of the queue! this mom delights in being the Mom taxi..anything to keep those kids occupied and out of her hair!LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-24255292471420384122009-07-13T05:07:00.000-07:002009-07-15T04:04:18.437-07:00The ParkIt was raining today but that didn't stop me taking the kids to the park and my 4 year old jumps on a swing - he's only swinging for three minutes when Playground Police mom appears with her stop watch. "You have two more minutes then it's my little girl's turn," she said. I tell her, " Who the hell put you in charge?" and she explains that she's been frequenting this park for seven years and it's an unspoken rule that no kid should take more than five minutes on a swing, unless the park is empty and the kid has no competition. It's such a useless conversation I grab my kid and move to the slide where a woman is spraying something on the ladder. She catches my puzzled stare and explains, "I'm disinfecting this because you never know who has had swine flu and put their grubby paws all over it. There's no way I'm letting my kids on here!" She's spraying it like she's possessed. It's Germ Phobic mom and she grabs my kid's hand and sprays him as he attempts to climb up the ladder and he thinks he's being squirted by a water gun so he screams and I say, "How'd you like me to spray your kid with some unknown liquid?" but all that achieves is Germ Phobic Mom standing in my personal space and holding the container within inches of my face and reading the label for contents but I can't hear a thing she's saying because a ginger-haired boy has poked a stick in the face of a platinum blond toddler and ER Mom yells at nobody in particular to 'Call a fucking ambulance NOW!" even though the victim does not appear to be in pain and, indeed, is searching for a stick to poke the other kid back. Moments later..sirens... and I take it as my cue to grab my kid and run for the hills. And to think I went to the park for some peace and quiet?LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-18589800738943636542009-06-30T19:46:00.000-07:002009-06-30T19:47:15.360-07:00Chardonnay MomChardonnay Moms love to pour their first glass of wine at five o’clock…many call it ‘wine o’clock’ claiming it’s the only way to get through the witching hour consisting of cooking, feeding, bathing, bedtime (usually for multiple offspring) will constantly invite mums over for a ‘party’ any excuse to crack open the champers. They are big fans of the champagne breakfast and will go to great lengths to organize mommy get togethers after school drop-off on the off chance somebody brings a bottle of wine so that she can get that buzz early in the day. These moms never got out of the habit of ‘Thank God it’s Friday’ drinks that they enjoyed to excess during their pre-mom days. Instead of departing the workplace with a handful of colleagues and traipsing to the nearest bar, these days Chardonnay moms organize ‘after school drinkies’ at various moms’ homes where she leads the ladies in the fine art of getting sozzled while the kids run amok in the backyard. These drink parties usually wind up by 6 o’clock so the moms can get kids home to be fed, bathed and into bed. Preceding this hour is a chorus of ‘Are you okay to drive?” and a stampede of women stagger to the kitchen where they guzzle large glasses of water, as if that is enough to lower their DIU score. The only time it isn’t good to be friends with Chardonnay mom is when she insists on being the designated driver. It’s never going to happen. Chardonnay mom is also the first mom at school fund raising functions to get up on stage with the band, flash her underwear and sing the first verse of the national anthem, over and over, until she collapses in a heap of emotion, usually crying about the beauty of the night and bemoaning the fact that the bar staff have left for the night. Tip: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-77007602197988658162009-06-04T06:31:00.000-07:002009-06-04T06:33:24.550-07:00neat freak momNeat Freak Mom...these women live as though there are no children in the house. If a child drops even a crumb of a cookie, these Moms will whip out the vacuum cleaner in an instant. She pretty much neglects her kids because she is so busy dusting and cleaning up after them. She always takes spare clothes with her in case a kid gets even the smallest amount of dirt or food or, God forbid, a blue berry stain.<br />She does not like to take kids to the park because the park is a horrible, dirty place and kids get dirty. Kids are never allowed to do things like jump in a puddle or roll through the autumn leaves. Kids are forced to wash hands at least six times a day and sometimes twice depending on the grime. We feel sorry for the offspring of the Neat Freak Mom!LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-70447219327033020942009-05-25T05:49:00.002-07:002009-05-25T05:51:19.353-07:00I'm Over Being a MomThe I'm-Over-Being-A-Mom women act as though motherhood is a gigantic burden and constantly whine and moan about how hard it is being a mother. They live for the day the kids are old enough to go to school. Always speaking nostalgically about pre-mom days. Remember when you could go shopping alone? Only had yourself to look after. Travelling at drop of a hat. Sex whenever you felt like it, I've gotten so used to kissing my kids' faces that it feels foreign kissing my husband's face and it's stubble, yuck and foreign. I want to be seen as a woman again not a mom! Starts wearing sexy clothes, back to her early 20s so people look at her and say, "Wow she couldn't possibly be a mother!" She even takes up weightlifting and gets a body builders bod. She seeks out work that takes her away from family then realizes that the job hasn’t changed but she has.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-25824022406505706832009-05-23T17:27:00.000-07:002009-05-23T17:43:23.782-07:00Outdoor MomThe Outdoor Mom cannot stand being at home; she is always on the go. Baby has to snatch whatever sleep he is able to get in the car in between social outings. <br />Her diary is filled with morning teas, lunches, shopping trips to far away suburbs. Reading about a vintage clothing shop two hours away is not a problem, just bundle kid in car and off we go. No time to potty train, no time to read to kids, no time to cook a choc cake standing at the kitchen bench and licking the bowl, there are too many things to do, places to go!LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-7202854862934133392008-10-21T12:33:00.000-07:002008-10-21T12:34:27.240-07:00extra curricular momExtra Curricular Mom – the Moms who sign their kids up for everything; from baby gym, to swimming, to ballet, to paint classes.<br />For some bizarre reason, these women feel the pressure of having to do everything for their child. Usually they are only children, so mom wants to give them the best of the best, all the experiences they can get their chubby hands on. Flamenco dancing, gymbaroo, swimming lessons, jitterbugs music classes, toddler fitness, karate ..anything to fill up their time. Also so the kids are so exhausted by the time they get home they are near comatose, begging for bed, so the mom gets a 'break' at lastLJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-4916217259572173292008-10-08T13:01:00.001-07:002008-10-08T13:04:25.358-07:00Confused and Bewildered MomThese are the Moms who are constantly asking other Moms for advice…suffering from a strange sense of feeling incompetent and needing reassurance. <br />If they have trouble breastfeeding, they are constantly on the breast feeding help line. Confused and Bewildered mom is often seen up at the baby clinic asking for advice. She will ask perfect strangers in shopping centres about any strange rash on the baby, worried that she has been eating too many mangoes and its gone through her breast milk and infected the baby<br />"So do you think she has an allergy?" she asks.<br />"Nah. It looks like heat rash. You've got her in a cardigan on a hot day!" says baby clinic nurse.<br />But this leads to a new paranoia about over or underdressing her baby. Of course her favorite question is "How do you get them to go to sleep?" Chill, lady.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-59854630045169371052008-09-23T04:08:00.000-07:002008-09-23T04:09:57.230-07:00Molly Coddle momMolly Coddle Mom – this lady is killing her kids with kindness. The most pampered (annoying) kids on the street. She usually insists on her kids calling her by her Christian name, she doesn’t really want to be a mum she wants to be a best friend. Anything the kids want, she will get it for them. They will never want for anything. Too bad if they’ve just had their second candy bar, if they desire a third, they’ll get it. <br />If her son hits another kid, this mum will barely stop short of congratulating him for his excellent fighting skills. A boxer in the making? She has the ability to turn every single situation into a positive one. Bad grades at school? Don't worry honey, that That just means you're going to be a sporting superstar. You're crap at all sports, never mind honey, you'll be a scientist. Her son has bad grades and is crap at sports, no problem, you're going to be a famous artist. There is no room for reality for this mum.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-353761111472975504.post-10095522817247665862008-09-15T04:45:00.000-07:002009-06-13T20:56:09.162-07:00Sling momThe Sling Mom loves to keep her kid in a baby sling long after they are able to walk around. They also love to lecture moms who use a pouch that the sling is better for the child. 'Don't you realize a Baby Bjorn forces your child to sleep in an upright position? It isn’t natural!" they say. According to Sling mom, who usually hang out with Extreme Alternative mom and My Child's Body is a Temple mom, the sling makes the baby feel like it's back inside the womb. Why would they want to go back? It's no fun in a sling, no matter what kind of fashionable material the darn thing is made out of, especially as the poor kid gets banged into whatever his mom walks into. Ok I'm speaking from experience here. I had a sling when my singleton Dash was a baby and yes I had several - my favorite? It was denim. As far as slings go, this was sort of cool. But because I am uncoordinated at the best of times, the poor kid sustained several minor bruises because everytime I entered the front door, I would - without fail - manage to whack him against the hallway shelf. Slings are great for the first few weeks but to all those moms who think putting a 3 year old in them is a good thing - let him walk or put him in his stroller. It's time to put the sling in the box in the back shed until the day you can stand to be parted from it. Out of sight, out of mind.LJ Charlestonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08591370180642103902noreply@blogger.com4