A look at the fascinating and often infuriating sub-culture of Mothers...from THE MOMMY MAFIA; the Urban Dictionary of Mothers by LJ Charleston - publication date late 2013 - with more than 100 different categories of weird & wonderful Mothers. From Olympic Mom (My kid was walking at nine months, what's wrong with yours?) to Can't Stop Breeding Mom (six kids and another on the way!) Thrift Shop Mom (this dress only cost me $2!) to Natural Birth Interrogator Mom (WHY did you have a C-section? You really missed out on the real motherhood experience!)

Remember, in motherhood, a woman is more dangerous than a shotgun.

If you thought meeting the parents was tough, now it's time to meet the mommies.


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Monday, July 13, 2009

The Park

It was raining today but that didn't stop me taking the kids to the park and my 4 year old jumps on a swing - he's only swinging for three minutes when Playground Police mom appears with her stop watch. "You have two more minutes then it's my little girl's turn," she said. I tell her, " Who the hell put you in charge?" and she explains that she's been frequenting this park for seven years and it's an unspoken rule that no kid should take more than five minutes on a swing, unless the park is empty and the kid has no competition. It's such a useless conversation I grab my kid and move to the slide where a woman is spraying something on the ladder. She catches my puzzled stare and explains, "I'm disinfecting this because you never know who has had swine flu and put their grubby paws all over it. There's no way I'm letting my kids on here!" She's spraying it like she's possessed. It's Germ Phobic mom and she grabs my kid's hand and sprays him as he attempts to climb up the ladder and he thinks he's being squirted by a water gun so he screams and I say, "How'd you like me to spray your kid with some unknown liquid?" but all that achieves is Germ Phobic Mom standing in my personal space and holding the container within inches of my face and reading the label for contents but I can't hear a thing she's saying because a ginger-haired boy has poked a stick in the face of a platinum blond toddler and ER Mom yells at nobody in particular to 'Call a fucking ambulance NOW!" even though the victim does not appear to be in pain and, indeed, is searching for a stick to poke the other kid back. Moments later..sirens... and I take it as my cue to grab my kid and run for the hills. And to think I went to the park for some peace and quiet?