A look at the fascinating and often infuriating sub-culture of Mothers...from THE MOMMY MAFIA; the Urban Dictionary of Mothers by LJ Charleston - publication date late 2013 - with more than 100 different categories of weird & wonderful Mothers. From Olympic Mom (My kid was walking at nine months, what's wrong with yours?) to Can't Stop Breeding Mom (six kids and another on the way!) Thrift Shop Mom (this dress only cost me $2!) to Natural Birth Interrogator Mom (WHY did you have a C-section? You really missed out on the real motherhood experience!)

Remember, in motherhood, a woman is more dangerous than a shotgun.

If you thought meeting the parents was tough, now it's time to meet the mommies.


Follow the Mommy Mafia on Twitter @themommymafia

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Molly Coddle mom

Molly Coddle Mom – this lady is killing her kids with kindness. The most pampered (annoying) kids on the street. She usually insists on her kids calling her by her Christian name, she doesn’t really want to be a mum she wants to be a best friend. Anything the kids want, she will get it for them. They will never want for anything. Too bad if they’ve just had their second candy bar, if they desire a third, they’ll get it.
If her son hits another kid, this mum will barely stop short of congratulating him for his excellent fighting skills. A boxer in the making? She has the ability to turn every single situation into a positive one. Bad grades at school? Don't worry honey, that That just means you're going to be a sporting superstar. You're crap at all sports, never mind honey, you'll be a scientist. Her son has bad grades and is crap at sports, no problem, you're going to be a famous artist. There is no room for reality for this mum.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sling mom

The Sling Mom loves to keep her kid in a baby sling long after they are able to walk around. They also love to lecture moms who use a pouch that the sling is better for the child. 'Don't you realize a Baby Bjorn forces your child to sleep in an upright position? It isn’t natural!" they say. According to Sling mom, who usually hang out with Extreme Alternative mom and My Child's Body is a Temple mom, the sling makes the baby feel like it's back inside the womb. Why would they want to go back? It's no fun in a sling, no matter what kind of fashionable material the darn thing is made out of, especially as the poor kid gets banged into whatever his mom walks into. Ok I'm speaking from experience here. I had a sling when my singleton Dash was a baby and yes I had several - my favorite? It was denim. As far as slings go, this was sort of cool. But because I am uncoordinated at the best of times, the poor kid sustained several minor bruises because everytime I entered the front door, I would - without fail - manage to whack him against the hallway shelf. Slings are great for the first few weeks but to all those moms who think putting a 3 year old in them is a good thing - let him walk or put him in his stroller. It's time to put the sling in the box in the back shed until the day you can stand to be parted from it. Out of sight, out of mind.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Guilt-Ridden mom

These women have sleepless nights if they put their child in front of television for more than ten minutes so that they can get on the computer and reply to a few emails. If Guilt Ridden Mom spends more than ten minutes in the shower, she feels guilty for neglecting her kids. If she reads five books to her kids at night she feels guilty that she didn’t read a sixth book.If one of her kids gets a cold, she feels guilty because it must be her fault. "Oh, no I haven't been giving them enough vitamin C!" she says. If they're not doing well at school, she blames herself. If they get into an argument and use their fists, she feels guilty for exposing them to violent cartoons. The guilt-list is endless and this woman is constantly emotionally exhausted. Her friend, Botox mom, is always telling her, "You gotta do something about those frown lines!"

Monday, September 8, 2008

Mini-Me Mom

Mini Me moms are usually moms of girls...nothing makes her happier than seeing her little darlings wearing the same clothes as hers (if their child is a son, they often do the androgynous thing. Why the hell not? Life is all about finding a new challenge, isn't it?)

When MM Mom goes shopping for clothes she will buy something that she likes, such as a lilac jacket with a matching skirt and then will not stop until she finds an identical one for her daughter. She laps up the comments, 'Oh, you've got a little clone,' the people say. Even when people are sarcastic, she still laps it all up as affirmation of her accomplishment. One MM mom even dyed her child s hair blond so that they would look more alike, as she was sick of people telling her she looks like her brunette father. Ditto with the son.