A look at the fascinating and often infuriating sub-culture of Mothers...from THE MOMMY MAFIA; the Urban Dictionary of Mothers by LJ Charleston - publication date late 2013 - with more than 100 different categories of weird & wonderful Mothers. From Olympic Mom (My kid was walking at nine months, what's wrong with yours?) to Can't Stop Breeding Mom (six kids and another on the way!) Thrift Shop Mom (this dress only cost me $2!) to Natural Birth Interrogator Mom (WHY did you have a C-section? You really missed out on the real motherhood experience!)

Remember, in motherhood, a woman is more dangerous than a shotgun.



If you thought meeting the parents was tough, now it's time to meet the mommies.





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Monday, July 13, 2009

The Park

It was raining today but that didn't stop me taking the kids to the park and my 4 year old jumps on a swing - he's only swinging for three minutes when Playground Police mom appears with her stop watch. "You have two more minutes then it's my little girl's turn," she said. I tell her, " Who the hell put you in charge?" and she explains that she's been frequenting this park for seven years and it's an unspoken rule that no kid should take more than five minutes on a swing, unless the park is empty and the kid has no competition. It's such a useless conversation I grab my kid and move to the slide where a woman is spraying something on the ladder. She catches my puzzled stare and explains, "I'm disinfecting this because you never know who has had swine flu and put their grubby paws all over it. There's no way I'm letting my kids on here!" She's spraying it like she's possessed. It's Germ Phobic mom and she grabs my kid's hand and sprays him as he attempts to climb up the ladder and he thinks he's being squirted by a water gun so he screams and I say, "How'd you like me to spray your kid with some unknown liquid?" but all that achieves is Germ Phobic Mom standing in my personal space and holding the container within inches of my face and reading the label for contents but I can't hear a thing she's saying because a ginger-haired boy has poked a stick in the face of a platinum blond toddler and ER Mom yells at nobody in particular to 'Call a fucking ambulance NOW!" even though the victim does not appear to be in pain and, indeed, is searching for a stick to poke the other kid back. Moments later..sirens... and I take it as my cue to grab my kid and run for the hills. And to think I went to the park for some peace and quiet?

5 comments:

fairlyodd said...

This is a play by play of every trip to the park with my kids!

greek4cheerful said...

Love it! This is a great post about the crazy mom's out there. I must admit I'm a crazy too, guess you could label me "Afraid of the sun Mom" , I'm the one lathering my kids every 5 minutes in sunblock- in my defense they're pasty white! I really enjoyed this post.

LG said...

OMG... Finding this blog feels a lot like I've touched the chalice of God - the Holy Grail! WTF is wrong with all of these inane, idiotic moms (read: my sister-in-law) who act like android pied-pipers of idiocy, and are shaping the youth of tomorrow??

I was just told tonight that I am not allowed to post on issues of adoption or child-rearing because I'm NOT a mother! I'm sorry, lemme get this straight: So "she-who-squires-my-nephew-through-life-but-shall-not-be-named" can complain in a Facebook status update that "The person who invented spring break never had children" yet I cannot comment that it took courage for the mother who sent her kid back to Russia to admit that she was beyond her depth? Or that I want to wait until the facts come out to be fair?

Oh okay. May I offer you some Premarin?

Oh, okay.

LG said...

OMG... Finding this blog feels a lot like I've touched the chalice of God - the Holy Grail! WTF is wrong with all of these inane, idiotic moms (read: my sister-in-law) who act like android pied-pipers of idiocy, and are shaping the youth of tomorrow??

I was just told tonight that I am not allowed to post on issues of adoption or child-rearing because I'm NOT a mother! I'm sorry, lemme get this straight: So "she-who-squires-my-nephew-through-life-but-shall-not-be-named" can complain in a Facebook status update that "The person who invented spring break never had children" yet I cannot comment that it took courage for the mother who sent her kid back to Russia to admit that she was beyond her depth? Or that I want to wait until the facts come out to be fair?

Oh okay. May I offer you some Premarin?

Book For Little Hands said...

I don't know if I was suppose to have a chuckle, but I did! I think all Mum's have found themselves in a similar situation. Maybe not the swing law, disinfectant your child, and ambulance, but the situation where you look at the other mother and think, Are you for real?

I can't wait to read Mommy Mafia!