A look at the fascinating and often infuriating sub-culture of Mothers...from THE MOMMY MAFIA; the Urban Dictionary of Mothers by LJ Charleston - publication date late 2013 - with more than 100 different categories of weird & wonderful Mothers. From Olympic Mom (My kid was walking at nine months, what's wrong with yours?) to Can't Stop Breeding Mom (six kids and another on the way!) Thrift Shop Mom (this dress only cost me $2!) to Natural Birth Interrogator Mom (WHY did you have a C-section? You really missed out on the real motherhood experience!)

Remember, in motherhood, a woman is more dangerous than a shotgun.

If you thought meeting the parents was tough, now it's time to meet the mommies.


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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Chardonnay Mom

Chardonnay Moms love to pour their first glass of wine at five o’clock…many call it ‘wine o’clock’ claiming it’s the only way to get through the witching hour consisting of cooking, feeding, bathing, bedtime (usually for multiple offspring) will constantly invite mums over for a ‘party’ any excuse to crack open the champers. They are big fans of the champagne breakfast and will go to great lengths to organize mommy get togethers after school drop-off on the off chance somebody brings a bottle of wine so that she can get that buzz early in the day. These moms never got out of the habit of ‘Thank God it’s Friday’ drinks that they enjoyed to excess during their pre-mom days. Instead of departing the workplace with a handful of colleagues and traipsing to the nearest bar, these days Chardonnay moms organize ‘after school drinkies’ at various moms’ homes where she leads the ladies in the fine art of getting sozzled while the kids run amok in the backyard. These drink parties usually wind up by 6 o’clock so the moms can get kids home to be fed, bathed and into bed. Preceding this hour is a chorus of ‘Are you okay to drive?” and a stampede of women stagger to the kitchen where they guzzle large glasses of water, as if that is enough to lower their DIU score. The only time it isn’t good to be friends with Chardonnay mom is when she insists on being the designated driver. It’s never going to happen. Chardonnay mom is also the first mom at school fund raising functions to get up on stage with the band, flash her underwear and sing the first verse of the national anthem, over and over, until she collapses in a heap of emotion, usually crying about the beauty of the night and bemoaning the fact that the bar staff have left for the night. Tip: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!


Kristen Andrews said...

I love my glass of wine, sometimes it really does help! This was too funny!

Helene said...

I absolutely LOVE your blog! I laughed my way through the last few posts!! I think I know a few of those types of moms...how sad is that??!! Although I suppose I could be accused of being the Devil Spawn Mom at times, esp when we eat at restaurants with our 4 kids.

Annette Piper said...

Reading all these 'profiles' makes me wonder if we'll ever win (we being relatively normal LOL).