A look at the fascinating and often infuriating sub-culture of Mothers...from THE MOMMY MAFIA; the Urban Dictionary of Mothers by LJ Charleston - publication date late 2013 - with more than 100 different categories of weird & wonderful Mothers. From Olympic Mom (My kid was walking at nine months, what's wrong with yours?) to Can't Stop Breeding Mom (six kids and another on the way!) Thrift Shop Mom (this dress only cost me $2!) to Natural Birth Interrogator Mom (WHY did you have a C-section? You really missed out on the real motherhood experience!)

Remember, in motherhood, a woman is more dangerous than a shotgun.

If you thought meeting the parents was tough, now it's time to meet the mommies.


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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Pacifier/Dummy police

Those of us who have committed the 'sin' of using a pacifier/dummy, mostly out of desperation to drastically reduce the volume of a screaming child, would have met the Pacifier Police mom. She likes to harass other Moms whose little darlings use a pacifier, lecturing them about how bad it is for the shape of their mouth and also giving ‘helpful advice’ about how to stop your child using a pacifier, including giving the pacifier to the ‘pacifier fairies.’

Other advice - usually for mothers with toddlers ie kids deemed 'too old' for a pacifier (in my opinion it's the two year olds that need pacifiers the most and - let's face it - we've all met the occasional adult that could benefit from a pacifier too) :

1. Tell your child you are giving the pacifier to Santa.

2. You're giving the pacifier to the babies that really need them.

3. When you're driving, casually wind down the window and toss pacifier out the window, saying 'Oops, look what mommy has done!"

Pacifier police preface most conversations with, "He is too old to have a pacifier," and "Why does he have a pacifier?"

"He is a bad sleeper so I've gotten into the habit," said Victim mom.

"Well get out of the habit. Just throw it away. Simple," said PP Mom.

"It's no big deal. He won't have a pacifier when he's 21," said Victim Mom.

"Really? How can you be so sure?"

"Well its better than thumb sucking. At least he won't get buck teeth. Plus, you can throw a dummy away but you can't throw away his thumb!" yells Victim Mom.

You will never win a debate with the Pacifier Police. She will give you a list of bizarre psychological reasons why a pacifier will have a negative impact on his life until death. For example, think about what he is sucking on; a plastic nipple! He will always have a nipple fixation and end up being a hopeless sex addict.


Orhan Kahn said...

Oh lawdy, I lol'd at the very last line of the post.

My sister sucked a pacifier for a few years and developed a lisp as a result.

ali said...

I've met the Pacifer Police mom! And don't forget the 'Breastfeeding Is So Awesome, Formula Feeding Is For Bad Mothers' mom--I've met her, too!